This entry was going to be about my history, but I find I'm still troubled as I spend time here in this confined space known as "school." I wonder, if there's no afterlife, am I wasting my life sitting here in this prison while precious moments of my all-too-short life fade away into nothingness? It's enough to make me worry.

A lot of things make me worry, anymore. Just...things in general do. I'm thinking about things I never used to. It's not some sudden spontaneous onset of maturity or something clichè like that. There's something that's distressing me, but I'm not entirely sure what.

I think it's my uncertainty about the future. As stated in my previous entry today about my grandfather, I don't know exactly where I'm going. Things seem fleeting and passive in relation to me as I blunder about the daily grind, proceeding through the average tasks required of me.

I need to do something more. Get out into the world, see things, see people.

It crossed my mind a few times, even in recent days, to retreat from the modern world that we call society; to strike out on my own and pursue a future in the wilderness. However, I am a very ill person in most aspects (non-mentally) and I would have trouble out in an environment where I couldn't persuade people to do things for me. Manipulation may not be one of the things I'm proud of about myself, but it's one of the things I'm best at.

Something big needs to happen in my life soon. The boredom is overwhelming.